The 5 People I Would Definitely Kill To Meet.

1. Regina Spektor

If you know me at all, then you know that I could not possibly make a "5 people I want to meet list" without having Regina Spektor be on there somewhere. Not only does she make awesome, original music, she's friggen adorable.

Enough said.

2. Eric Idle

Okay, so meeting anybody from Monty Python would be awesome. But out of all of them, I would say my favorite is Eric Idle, with John Cleese coming in a close second. For the reason, please view this video:



Please note how the beer shoots up when Terry Jones slams it down on the table.

3. David Sedaris



I recently read his book "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" and I'm now wondering why I never read anything of his before. His stories are so creative and awesome that I think I could make my boring life sound exciting and hilarious, if only I could write like him. Here's an excerpt:

"If I was a child and saw something creeping out of a hole in my mother’s leg, I would march to the nearest orphanage and put myself up for adoption. I would burn all pictures of her, destroy anything she had ever given me, and start all over because that is simply disgusting. A dad can be crawling with parasites and somehow it’s OK, but on a mom, or any woman, really, it’s unforgivable."

Now go read the book.

Also, his sister Amy Sedaris was on a show on Comedy Central called "Strangers with Candy." She plays Jerri, a 46 year old woman who is going back to high school after a strange life of stripping, prostitution and larceny in order to support her drug habit. The show also features Stephen Colbert as a gay history professor and numerous life lessons such as "You never really 'lose' your parents. Unless of course they die. Then they're gone forever. And nothing will bring them back."

4. Shakespeare
This one pretty much goes without saying. Think of all the questions you could ask, such as "So did you really write all that?" and "Hey, are you a homosexual?" Also, I would really love to shake him while yelling "WHATS THE DEAL WITH YOU AND WOMEN ANYWAY??"

Then I'd go back to my Shakespeare class, show them a video of the answers, and then everybody would cheer because I'd just given them an easy way to get an A. You'll never have to explain anything anymore, just a "Because Shakespeare said so," would suffice. You're welcome.

Actually, I really do like Shakespeare, and I dont mind reading it or discussing it. I think it's fun because I am nerd. And also because there's usually some sexual reference involved.

5. Jesus Christ

Now, please, before you go running in the opposite direction screaming, "ITS A JESUS FREAK! NO I DONT WANT YOUR PAMPHLETS! RUNNNNNNN!!!" please just calm down.

I would merely like to point out that finding out for sure what's real and what isn't would probably solve a lot of problems.

Plus, there's this:



OH. MY. GOD.