I'm not sure this will actually make sense, as I am exhausted to the point of not being able to sleep.
1. Facebook stalk - Learn something new about someone you never knew before! It's actually quite educational.
2. Write a haiku. I have done so:
My room is quite dark.
I'm feeling rather peckish.
I want my slippers.
3. Look up random words on the internet. I have learned five (FIVE!) new words. They are as follows:
- absquatulate: verb to leave hurriedly, suddenly, or secretly.
- fantod: (FAN-tod) noun 1. A state of nervous anxiety, irritability, the willies, the fidgets. 2. A fit or emotional outburst.
- risibility: the inclination to laugh
- mumpsimus (MUMP-suh-muhs) noun 1. Adherence to or persistence in an erroneous use of language, memorization, practice, belief, etc., out of habit or obstinacy. 2. A person who persists in a mistaken expression or practice.
- contesseration: the act of making friends
4. Apparently I can drink 77 cups of coffee before I keel over from a massive caffeine overdose. Go me. Click here to try for yourself.
5. Work this into as many conversations as you can: "Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!" (Never mind what it actually means.)
6. Look up your name on wikipedia. It gives variations too. Apparently "Alyssa" has 34 variations. My favorite is Lissy. Say it with a lisp. It's way too much fun.
7. Listlessly stumble around the internet. You may find instructions on how to teleport like I did, but not understand a word of it.
8. Construct a giant fort. Crawl into it and pretend you're camping.
9. If you have just finished a semester of school, rejoice in the fact that you may never have to hear the phrase "small potatoes" again. I feel bad for those small potatoes. They didn't ask to be small. Actually, they're quite good when cooked up with garlic and rosemary and ..thyme? I could be completely wrong. I dont even know why I'm talking about cooking potatoes anyway.
10. Go back to facebook and see if you have any notifications. You will not because it is 1 O-fucking-clock in the morning and no one else besides you is awake.
The End.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
8 Reasons Why Nerds Are Awesome
Formally, nerds have been termed "uncool" and "social outcasts," along with more creative titles such as "WHAT A LOSER." However, I disagree with these statements, and find (most) nerds to be awesome. Sometimes you do get a person who does not know how to act remotely human, or someone who acts vastly superior because they KNOW shit, but more often than not, nerds are vastly underrated. I even consider myself a nerd, and embrace skills that other people would consider pointless (i.e. I beat Zelda: Twilight Princess, I like watching Picard guide the Enterprise through space). However useless this may seem, I find that nerds are 73% more awesome than the average person.
First, what makes a person a nerd? Well let's see. Can you quote Shakespeare? Do you read the dictionary for fun? Comic books? Heavily lore based RPGs? Can you talk in binary? If you answered yes to any of the questions you are a nerd, and therefore awesome. Here are reasons why.
1. Nerds are awesome at trivia
If you've read previous posts in this blog, you'll know that I was part of a trivia team called The Blind Assassins over the summer. You'll also know that we would never have got as far as we did at times if at least one of us was not some sort of nerd. Not only were we able to catch obscure references (well.. okay... maybe like two), we could connect them (somewhat) to the question being asked (kind of) and therefore find the answer (sometimes).
An assassin that is possibly blind.
2. Nerds are tasty
Here it is obvious that I am talking about the candy. CANDY PEOPLE. As in the sugary little things that look like bums? Does anyone else think they look like bums or is it just me?
3. Want a computer? No fucking problem!
A nerd could build a computer. Don't have enough money to buy one? BUILD ONE. As a point of interest, my dad actually built our two computers and they work well enough and it was considerably cheaper than going out and buying one.
That's complicated shit, man.
4. Have a problem with the computer that was just built for you? No fucking problem!
If your computer ever goes haywire on you, there is a good chance a nerd will know what is wrong with it, and can fix it. Hopefully. If they are savvy enough to speak binary (i.e. 1001001 010 1001 010) (I don't know if I actually typed a word there...) they could probably even write software for it and make it even more awesome. A spy computer with all sorts of gadgets, you say? Why yes, I'll take one.
5. Without nerds, we would not have electricity, cable, music players, computers...
The list goes on. The point is, if an inventor had just said, "Man fuck this shit, no one thinks I'm cool enough, I'm going to go hit on that lady and get laid," we wouldn't have half the stuff we have today. The people at Apple? All nerds. Bill Gate? Biggest nerd ever (and kind of a jerk I hear). But they gave us awesome stuff, right? It's a good thing they all said, "Once this light bulb/alternating current/iPod/flushable toilet is done, I'll have girls lining up to have sex with me." And you know what? They were probably right.
Except for that guy that invented the toilet. Probably didn't get laid. Yeah...
6. Face it, beating video games is a huge accomplishment.
Do you know how fucking HARD those things are? Oh, so pushing buttons isn't hard? All you do is sit there and tap X? WELL WHY DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT, YOU BASTARD. Have you ever tried to leap through the air, aiming for the ceiling with your magnetic romping boots while throwing a boomerang and trying to avoid plants being thrown at you? No? I didn't think so.
Bad ass romping, stomping, magnetic mother effin boots.
7. They have better imaginations.
While I don't particularly enjoy playing D&D, I have tried it and found that it takes an enmorous amount of imagining you are a particular person (aka role playing) and visualizing various scenarios, such as giant man eating rats attacking you, or a ghost that cannot be seen or heard but is definitely beating the shit out of you. There are no computer graphics, and from what I've seen, the Dungeon Master comes up with scenarios and various shit on his own. Therefore, those playing must have a grasp of all the comlicated shit needed to understand what the fuck a D20 does while at the same time picturing their sword slicing through the air at some giant ogre's head. Those who dress up take it too far. That's what imagination is for.
You rolled a 2. Your attack misses and chops off the head of your companion.
8. Nerds are becoming the majority.
Face it, almost everyone can claim they are a nerd in some way, and are in fact proud of whatever thing makes them that way. Part of being human is identifying with people. Once nerds are seen as something other than creepy losers, and once someone else finds out that they too enjoy talking in elvish, a bond is formed. I'm sure there are millions of facebook groups and fan pages that have to do with something nerdish. Ever seen those fan pages for various characters from Spongebob? Ever notice how many people those fan pages have? A SHIT TON, that's how much.
Also, nerds pretty much rule the world. Let's not forget that important detail. I know it's cliche, but it's true that if you offend someone with a pocket protector, they will probably end up your boss one day. Because that is how karma works, bitches.
First, what makes a person a nerd? Well let's see. Can you quote Shakespeare? Do you read the dictionary for fun? Comic books? Heavily lore based RPGs? Can you talk in binary? If you answered yes to any of the questions you are a nerd, and therefore awesome. Here are reasons why.
1. Nerds are awesome at trivia
If you've read previous posts in this blog, you'll know that I was part of a trivia team called The Blind Assassins over the summer. You'll also know that we would never have got as far as we did at times if at least one of us was not some sort of nerd. Not only were we able to catch obscure references (well.. okay... maybe like two), we could connect them (somewhat) to the question being asked (kind of) and therefore find the answer (sometimes).
An assassin that is possibly blind.2. Nerds are tasty
Here it is obvious that I am talking about the candy. CANDY PEOPLE. As in the sugary little things that look like bums? Does anyone else think they look like bums or is it just me?
3. Want a computer? No fucking problem!
A nerd could build a computer. Don't have enough money to buy one? BUILD ONE. As a point of interest, my dad actually built our two computers and they work well enough and it was considerably cheaper than going out and buying one.
That's complicated shit, man.4. Have a problem with the computer that was just built for you? No fucking problem!
If your computer ever goes haywire on you, there is a good chance a nerd will know what is wrong with it, and can fix it. Hopefully. If they are savvy enough to speak binary (i.e. 1001001 010 1001 010) (I don't know if I actually typed a word there...) they could probably even write software for it and make it even more awesome. A spy computer with all sorts of gadgets, you say? Why yes, I'll take one.
5. Without nerds, we would not have electricity, cable, music players, computers...
The list goes on. The point is, if an inventor had just said, "Man fuck this shit, no one thinks I'm cool enough, I'm going to go hit on that lady and get laid," we wouldn't have half the stuff we have today. The people at Apple? All nerds. Bill Gate? Biggest nerd ever (and kind of a jerk I hear). But they gave us awesome stuff, right? It's a good thing they all said, "Once this light bulb/alternating current/iPod/flushable toilet is done, I'll have girls lining up to have sex with me." And you know what? They were probably right.
Except for that guy that invented the toilet. Probably didn't get laid. Yeah...6. Face it, beating video games is a huge accomplishment.
Do you know how fucking HARD those things are? Oh, so pushing buttons isn't hard? All you do is sit there and tap X? WELL WHY DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT, YOU BASTARD. Have you ever tried to leap through the air, aiming for the ceiling with your magnetic romping boots while throwing a boomerang and trying to avoid plants being thrown at you? No? I didn't think so.
Bad ass romping, stomping, magnetic mother effin boots.7. They have better imaginations.
While I don't particularly enjoy playing D&D, I have tried it and found that it takes an enmorous amount of imagining you are a particular person (aka role playing) and visualizing various scenarios, such as giant man eating rats attacking you, or a ghost that cannot be seen or heard but is definitely beating the shit out of you. There are no computer graphics, and from what I've seen, the Dungeon Master comes up with scenarios and various shit on his own. Therefore, those playing must have a grasp of all the comlicated shit needed to understand what the fuck a D20 does while at the same time picturing their sword slicing through the air at some giant ogre's head. Those who dress up take it too far. That's what imagination is for.
You rolled a 2. Your attack misses and chops off the head of your companion.8. Nerds are becoming the majority.
Face it, almost everyone can claim they are a nerd in some way, and are in fact proud of whatever thing makes them that way. Part of being human is identifying with people. Once nerds are seen as something other than creepy losers, and once someone else finds out that they too enjoy talking in elvish, a bond is formed. I'm sure there are millions of facebook groups and fan pages that have to do with something nerdish. Ever seen those fan pages for various characters from Spongebob? Ever notice how many people those fan pages have? A SHIT TON, that's how much.
Also, nerds pretty much rule the world. Let's not forget that important detail. I know it's cliche, but it's true that if you offend someone with a pocket protector, they will probably end up your boss one day. Because that is how karma works, bitches.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
BUY THIS BOOK!
Because I am feeling rather sore about school work right now.
"How to (im)properly convince an editor to publish your book."
Note: Not Actually the Awesome book being discussed here. But still. What is that? A giant frog? And it's EATING THE WORLD? HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME!
Dear Sir or Madam,
Hello. If you are reading this, then you are reading the proposal for The Best Book Ever! If you have read the manuscript for this book, then you know why it is the best book ever. However, if you need some incentive, here it is: This book is AWESOME. If you can't gather that from the title, then you, dear sir or madam, are mentally retarded, and should probably get that checked out.
This book has everything you need: four color photos, glossy pages, superb writing, and witty dialogue. There is no other book out there like it. We have categorized this book under "Curiosities and Wonders," a title we half made up and half stole from amazon.com. But that's okay, because this book friggen rocks. What's that? "Curiosities and Wonders" isn't a real category? No book store will sell it like that? Well let me shove this Awesome manuscript page down your throat, and you can digest the curiousness and wondrous aspects of this book.
Once you read this book, Awesome things will start to happen to you. Rainbows will explode over the sky whenever you walk outside. A unicorn will follow you around and take up residence in your closet. Flowers will bloom under your feet. Bunnies will follow you, birds will sing to you, and trees will rain down cash upon your Awesome head. However, if you do not publish this book after reading it, all those wonderful things will explode and die crying in fiery balls of molten lava, and you, Mr. Editor, will be responsible for the death of those beautiful things. Furthermore, you will deprive millions of people of this awesomeness. Shame on you, you killer of joyousness, shame on you.
Everybody in the world will buy this book because everybody likes Awesomeness, and furthermore, everybody loves unicorns and bunnies. And money. No books can compete with this one. For every book that tries to, this book will shoot it in the face with poisonous blow darts, and the offending book will die a horrible, painful death, with much vomiting. The author of that book will get dragged to hell by demonic goats, and the editors will turn into stone, forever to be shit on by dirty pigeons.
No e-book version of this book will be produced. E-books are dumb, and deserve to be sucked into a black hole.
As for where this book will sell? Everywhere. No questions. Because I say so.
So please publish this book, otherwise you will die. Alone. Forever. The End.
Yours most sincerely,
The Author
"How to (im)properly convince an editor to publish your book."
Note: Not Actually the Awesome book being discussed here. But still. What is that? A giant frog? And it's EATING THE WORLD? HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME!Dear Sir or Madam,
Hello. If you are reading this, then you are reading the proposal for The Best Book Ever! If you have read the manuscript for this book, then you know why it is the best book ever. However, if you need some incentive, here it is: This book is AWESOME. If you can't gather that from the title, then you, dear sir or madam, are mentally retarded, and should probably get that checked out.
This book has everything you need: four color photos, glossy pages, superb writing, and witty dialogue. There is no other book out there like it. We have categorized this book under "Curiosities and Wonders," a title we half made up and half stole from amazon.com. But that's okay, because this book friggen rocks. What's that? "Curiosities and Wonders" isn't a real category? No book store will sell it like that? Well let me shove this Awesome manuscript page down your throat, and you can digest the curiousness and wondrous aspects of this book.
Once you read this book, Awesome things will start to happen to you. Rainbows will explode over the sky whenever you walk outside. A unicorn will follow you around and take up residence in your closet. Flowers will bloom under your feet. Bunnies will follow you, birds will sing to you, and trees will rain down cash upon your Awesome head. However, if you do not publish this book after reading it, all those wonderful things will explode and die crying in fiery balls of molten lava, and you, Mr. Editor, will be responsible for the death of those beautiful things. Furthermore, you will deprive millions of people of this awesomeness. Shame on you, you killer of joyousness, shame on you.
Everybody in the world will buy this book because everybody likes Awesomeness, and furthermore, everybody loves unicorns and bunnies. And money. No books can compete with this one. For every book that tries to, this book will shoot it in the face with poisonous blow darts, and the offending book will die a horrible, painful death, with much vomiting. The author of that book will get dragged to hell by demonic goats, and the editors will turn into stone, forever to be shit on by dirty pigeons.
No e-book version of this book will be produced. E-books are dumb, and deserve to be sucked into a black hole.
As for where this book will sell? Everywhere. No questions. Because I say so.
So please publish this book, otherwise you will die. Alone. Forever. The End.
Yours most sincerely,
The Author
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