In my senior year of high school, I was filling out many, many forms. Almost all of them asked what leadership qualities I had, what my accomplishments were, and all sorts of other bullshit questions. After answering these questions approximately 57 times, I got fed up and wrote this:
I save the rainforest in my spare time and I also save abandoned puppies. I have carved out a wild life path in Bolton and introduced 12 new species of birds to our town. I've also installed sky lights in random houses without the owners knowledge. I have performed CPR on three patients in two days. I entertain senior citizens for 2 hours a day and coordinate bingo runs to the local church. I am president of the United States. I have solved the mystery of life and taught it to small children. I looooovvveee children. They are tomorrow's future. I also invented steam. And the Krebs cycle. And photosynthesis. I have another cycle that is named after me; it is called the reproductive cycle. That would make my name Steam Krebs Reprosynthesis. I also have found a cure for cancer, yet as I am so busy in high school, I have not yet had time to have it published. I taught the world to sing in perfect harmony. Recently, I have managed to forge a peace agreement between Palestine and Israel. You can thank me for lower gas prices! My next job will be to broker a peace deal with Iraq. If you need me to do anything else, I can be reached at 1-800-KISSMYASS.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Bored? Cool, here are some YouTube videos.
More specifically, here are the trailers to some really awesome movies. I know this because I have seen these movies, and have deemed them really awesome. So without further ado, here are 5 awesome movies trailers for awesome movies.
5. Everything Is Illuminated
If you want a "thinking" movie, one where you might possibly become very confused but still immensely enjoy the movie, then this is it.
4. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
However, what this trailer neglects to mention is the monkey named Steve that battles enraged gummy bears on a flying car. I don't know why they left out this important element.
Oh, and the cop is voiced by Mr. T.
3. Drag Me to Hell
Okay so this one is only "awesome" because it is hilariously bad and also because there is a demonic talking goat in it. This also isn't the real trailer, but this will give you an accurate idea of what the movie is like.
Yup. The main character continuously gets vomit in her mouth. That is pretty much the whole movie. And the goat saying "YOU WHOOOOORRRREEEEEEEE!"
2. Eagle vs. Shark
"Hey fool... sucka... you foolish....you foolish sucka."
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
1. Amelie
In french, but the movie's subtitles are pretty good. The trailer's are not as good, but still fairly accurate. The movie is actually BETTER than the trailer, so please take my word for it and perhaps watch even a bit of it because IT IS FUCKING AWESOME.
The End.
5. Everything Is Illuminated
If you want a "thinking" movie, one where you might possibly become very confused but still immensely enjoy the movie, then this is it.
4. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
However, what this trailer neglects to mention is the monkey named Steve that battles enraged gummy bears on a flying car. I don't know why they left out this important element.
Oh, and the cop is voiced by Mr. T.
3. Drag Me to Hell
Okay so this one is only "awesome" because it is hilariously bad and also because there is a demonic talking goat in it. This also isn't the real trailer, but this will give you an accurate idea of what the movie is like.
Yup. The main character continuously gets vomit in her mouth. That is pretty much the whole movie. And the goat saying "YOU WHOOOOORRRREEEEEEEE!"
2. Eagle vs. Shark
"Hey fool... sucka... you foolish....you foolish sucka."
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
1. Amelie
In french, but the movie's subtitles are pretty good. The trailer's are not as good, but still fairly accurate. The movie is actually BETTER than the trailer, so please take my word for it and perhaps watch even a bit of it because IT IS FUCKING AWESOME.
The End.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Facts of My Day
1. I left taking pictures for my first photo 2 assignment until last night/today, so at 9:00 this morning I was standing out on my balcony taking pictures of the street hoping to capture a fast moving car. I also was not wearing any socks. I don't know if you know this, but if you're outside with no socks, your feet get cold quite quickly. And turn white.
2. Whilst doing the laundry, the machine started to shake uncontrollably as it went into the spin cycle. As a result, a bottle of laundry detergent fell off the top and nearly killed me.
3. While crossing the street at Boylston and Tremont, I nearly tripped while trying to discern if I actually knew the person in front of me. I did not.
4. According to my copy editing class, most college seniors do not know the difference between a noun, a verb, and an adjective. Christ. It's not rocket science guys.
5. I nearly tripped again while on the way out of my classroom.
6. While developing my film, I had a sudden yearning to be back in photo 1, where we actually had 4 hours in the dark room instead of 2, where I almost felt like I knew what I was doing, and where I actually looked forward to class instead of having a minor panic attack because I have no idea what I'm supposed to have done by tomorrow.
7. In the T station, while waiting for the erstwhile B train, I saw the following trains go by, in this order: D C E E D D D. I mean, COME ON. Seriously? Three D trains in a row? Madness. Complete and utter madness.
8. I remained pressed up against the opposite door for most of the T ride. I basically had to limbo under some old guy's arm to get off. It was quite claustrophobic.
9. My second to last text book came today. On my way up the stairs I dropped it three times.
10. Once inside my apartment, I realized no one was home. I obviously then proceeded to put on loud music and air guitar my way through all the rooms in my apartment.
11. I seriously considered having brownies and coffee for dinner. I ate a little pasta instead, but I'm still seriously considering it.
2. Whilst doing the laundry, the machine started to shake uncontrollably as it went into the spin cycle. As a result, a bottle of laundry detergent fell off the top and nearly killed me.
3. While crossing the street at Boylston and Tremont, I nearly tripped while trying to discern if I actually knew the person in front of me. I did not.
4. According to my copy editing class, most college seniors do not know the difference between a noun, a verb, and an adjective. Christ. It's not rocket science guys.
5. I nearly tripped again while on the way out of my classroom.
6. While developing my film, I had a sudden yearning to be back in photo 1, where we actually had 4 hours in the dark room instead of 2, where I almost felt like I knew what I was doing, and where I actually looked forward to class instead of having a minor panic attack because I have no idea what I'm supposed to have done by tomorrow.
7. In the T station, while waiting for the erstwhile B train, I saw the following trains go by, in this order: D C E E D D D. I mean, COME ON. Seriously? Three D trains in a row? Madness. Complete and utter madness.
8. I remained pressed up against the opposite door for most of the T ride. I basically had to limbo under some old guy's arm to get off. It was quite claustrophobic.
9. My second to last text book came today. On my way up the stairs I dropped it three times.
10. Once inside my apartment, I realized no one was home. I obviously then proceeded to put on loud music and air guitar my way through all the rooms in my apartment.
11. I seriously considered having brownies and coffee for dinner. I ate a little pasta instead, but I'm still seriously considering it.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
11 Things I Wish to Accomplish
Bucket lists. New Years resolutions. Goals. Whatever you call them, I apparently have them. Fortunately, my list does not include impossible goals, such as "solve world peace," "plant a money tree," or "learn to speak Icelandic." They are simple goals. Nothing extremely life changing here, unless you count being able to enjoy the simple pleasure of building snow forts or being able to accurately tell what time it is. These 11 things can easily be accomplished with a little bit of time, effort, and YOU. Yeah, typically these are better done with a friend because I'm probably so helpless on my own that I will pathetically fail each and every one. But I'm still going to try.
And, hopefully, with each item that I can cross off the list, I will write about it here and tell you about my awesome failures or awesome AWESOMENESS.
1. Build a giant snow castle.
A castle that is likely to have snow alligators.
I'm not talking about a pathetic little fort here. I'm talking HUGE BADASS CASTLE. With turrets and tunnels, and possibly a moat. With snow alligators.
Okay so maybe snow alligators aren't that realistic. But a giant snow fort IS.
2. See the Rocky Horror Picture Show at least once.
Yes, as in I want to dress up all crazy and go watch this movie with a bunch of other crazy dressed up people. I've never actually seen the movie, but it sounds weird and fun. What's better than dressing up in really odd / hot outfits? NOTHING.
Odd and hot. My favorite combination.
And, hopefully, with each item that I can cross off the list, I will write about it here and tell you about my awesome failures or awesome AWESOMENESS.
1. Build a giant snow castle.
A castle that is likely to have snow alligators.I'm not talking about a pathetic little fort here. I'm talking HUGE BADASS CASTLE. With turrets and tunnels, and possibly a moat. With snow alligators.
Okay so maybe snow alligators aren't that realistic. But a giant snow fort IS.
2. See the Rocky Horror Picture Show at least once.
Yes, as in I want to dress up all crazy and go watch this movie with a bunch of other crazy dressed up people. I've never actually seen the movie, but it sounds weird and fun. What's better than dressing up in really odd / hot outfits? NOTHING.
Odd and hot. My favorite combination.3. Go to the opera.
I've never been, and I want to see one. Doesn't even matter if it's not in English. I've listened to some opera thanks to my freshman Listening to Music class and it's actually quite beautiful. I wouldn't be able to understand what they were saying if I hadn't taken the class, but that really doesn't matter. I think the music conveys what it's about anyway.
I've never been, and I want to see one. Doesn't even matter if it's not in English. I've listened to some opera thanks to my freshman Listening to Music class and it's actually quite beautiful. I wouldn't be able to understand what they were saying if I hadn't taken the class, but that really doesn't matter. I think the music conveys what it's about anyway.
4. Learn how to brew my own coffee.
Because right now I have no idea how to. I know, I'm pathetic. There's something with the filter (which are a lot of a fun to play with, actually, they're quite fantastic for throwing about) and then there's either beans or they're ground up. And there's something with the water and then POOF there's coffee.
Yet as my friend Alli said, "Alyssa, it's a lot more than just water + coffee beans + poof = coffee." Or something to that effect.
Dear God I should really get on this.
And when I'm done, my coffee will look like this, i.e. PERFECT.
5. Make new friends.
But keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. (Yeah I was a girl scout, what of it?)
This is actually serious though. I have wonderful friends, don't get me wrong. But the past couple semesters I've met a few people in my classes who were genuinely nice people, and then after the class is over I've never spoken to them again. Which is sad. And makes me wonder if I'm somehow defective. So I'm trying to stay in touch.
6. Get As in my classes.
Yeah, unlike this semester where I was SO EFFIN CLOSE.
This letter also begins my name. I guess that's one "A" I'll always have. OH GOD I'M SO LAME.
Well, I'll update on how my efforts go. And if all else fails, I'll just buy lots of blankets, make a fort, and never come out.
Because right now I have no idea how to. I know, I'm pathetic. There's something with the filter (which are a lot of a fun to play with, actually, they're quite fantastic for throwing about) and then there's either beans or they're ground up. And there's something with the water and then POOF there's coffee.
Yet as my friend Alli said, "Alyssa, it's a lot more than just water + coffee beans + poof = coffee." Or something to that effect.
Dear God I should really get on this.
And when I'm done, my coffee will look like this, i.e. PERFECT.5. Make new friends.
But keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. (Yeah I was a girl scout, what of it?)
This is actually serious though. I have wonderful friends, don't get me wrong. But the past couple semesters I've met a few people in my classes who were genuinely nice people, and then after the class is over I've never spoken to them again. Which is sad. And makes me wonder if I'm somehow defective. So I'm trying to stay in touch.
6. Get As in my classes.
Yeah, unlike this semester where I was SO EFFIN CLOSE.
This letter also begins my name. I guess that's one "A" I'll always have. OH GOD I'M SO LAME.7. Buy a pipe and name it Alfred.
Don't ask why. I really don't remember at this point why I want a pipe named Alfred. I suppose pipes are just bad ass.
Hello, Alfred J. Prufrock the Pipe.
8. Get a watch.
I used to have a Puss n' Boots watch, which I got out of a cereal box. It was the best watch ever and I always knew what time it was. I was a happy youngster of 15.
Unfortunately, disaster struck, and Puss n' Boots died from drowning. Ever since then, I've relied on my phone to tell me the time, which is usually enough. However this weekend I had no computer, my phone died, and I kept asking for the time every 2 seconds. So enough is enough. I need a fricken watch. Hopefully this will lead to being more organized in other aspects of my life. Probably not, but oh well.
*Note: I just spent about 45 minutes searching for a picture of that watch that I know I had, but I could not find it. Oh woe.
9. Learn a new word everyday and incorporate it into a sentence.
Bonus points if the sentence contains a clever sexual pun, a la Shakespeare. Did you know that in Shakespeare's day, "dance" was also another word for "to fuck?" Yes, I'm serious. The sentence, "Hey, didn't I dance with you last night?" takes on a whole new meaning. I freakin love Shakespeare.
Yeah, I don't understand the cover either.
10. Find trivia (and a trivia team) that takes place in Boston.
Because while The Blind Assassins are awesome, I need something to occupy my Tuesday nights with in Boston.
11. Learn how to play Chopin's Nocturne on the piano.
Because it's so damn beautiful.
And complicated. Shit.
Don't ask why. I really don't remember at this point why I want a pipe named Alfred. I suppose pipes are just bad ass.
Hello, Alfred J. Prufrock the Pipe.8. Get a watch.
I used to have a Puss n' Boots watch, which I got out of a cereal box. It was the best watch ever and I always knew what time it was. I was a happy youngster of 15.
Unfortunately, disaster struck, and Puss n' Boots died from drowning. Ever since then, I've relied on my phone to tell me the time, which is usually enough. However this weekend I had no computer, my phone died, and I kept asking for the time every 2 seconds. So enough is enough. I need a fricken watch. Hopefully this will lead to being more organized in other aspects of my life. Probably not, but oh well.
*Note: I just spent about 45 minutes searching for a picture of that watch that I know I had, but I could not find it. Oh woe.
9. Learn a new word everyday and incorporate it into a sentence.
Bonus points if the sentence contains a clever sexual pun, a la Shakespeare. Did you know that in Shakespeare's day, "dance" was also another word for "to fuck?" Yes, I'm serious. The sentence, "Hey, didn't I dance with you last night?" takes on a whole new meaning. I freakin love Shakespeare.
Yeah, I don't understand the cover either.10. Find trivia (and a trivia team) that takes place in Boston.
Because while The Blind Assassins are awesome, I need something to occupy my Tuesday nights with in Boston.
11. Learn how to play Chopin's Nocturne on the piano.
Because it's so damn beautiful.
And complicated. Shit.Well, I'll update on how my efforts go. And if all else fails, I'll just buy lots of blankets, make a fort, and never come out.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Things To Do When You Cannot Sleep
I'm not sure this will actually make sense, as I am exhausted to the point of not being able to sleep.
1. Facebook stalk - Learn something new about someone you never knew before! It's actually quite educational.
2. Write a haiku. I have done so:
My room is quite dark.
I'm feeling rather peckish.
I want my slippers.
3. Look up random words on the internet. I have learned five (FIVE!) new words. They are as follows:
- absquatulate: verb to leave hurriedly, suddenly, or secretly.
- fantod: (FAN-tod) noun 1. A state of nervous anxiety, irritability, the willies, the fidgets. 2. A fit or emotional outburst.
- risibility: the inclination to laugh
- mumpsimus (MUMP-suh-muhs) noun 1. Adherence to or persistence in an erroneous use of language, memorization, practice, belief, etc., out of habit or obstinacy. 2. A person who persists in a mistaken expression or practice.
- contesseration: the act of making friends
4. Apparently I can drink 77 cups of coffee before I keel over from a massive caffeine overdose. Go me. Click here to try for yourself.
5. Work this into as many conversations as you can: "Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!" (Never mind what it actually means.)
6. Look up your name on wikipedia. It gives variations too. Apparently "Alyssa" has 34 variations. My favorite is Lissy. Say it with a lisp. It's way too much fun.
7. Listlessly stumble around the internet. You may find instructions on how to teleport like I did, but not understand a word of it.
8. Construct a giant fort. Crawl into it and pretend you're camping.
9. If you have just finished a semester of school, rejoice in the fact that you may never have to hear the phrase "small potatoes" again. I feel bad for those small potatoes. They didn't ask to be small. Actually, they're quite good when cooked up with garlic and rosemary and ..thyme? I could be completely wrong. I dont even know why I'm talking about cooking potatoes anyway.
10. Go back to facebook and see if you have any notifications. You will not because it is 1 O-fucking-clock in the morning and no one else besides you is awake.
The End.
1. Facebook stalk - Learn something new about someone you never knew before! It's actually quite educational.
2. Write a haiku. I have done so:
My room is quite dark.
I'm feeling rather peckish.
I want my slippers.
3. Look up random words on the internet. I have learned five (FIVE!) new words. They are as follows:
- absquatulate: verb to leave hurriedly, suddenly, or secretly.
- fantod: (FAN-tod) noun 1. A state of nervous anxiety, irritability, the willies, the fidgets. 2. A fit or emotional outburst.
- risibility: the inclination to laugh
- mumpsimus (MUMP-suh-muhs) noun 1. Adherence to or persistence in an erroneous use of language, memorization, practice, belief, etc., out of habit or obstinacy. 2. A person who persists in a mistaken expression or practice.
- contesseration: the act of making friends
4. Apparently I can drink 77 cups of coffee before I keel over from a massive caffeine overdose. Go me. Click here to try for yourself.
5. Work this into as many conversations as you can: "Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!" (Never mind what it actually means.)
6. Look up your name on wikipedia. It gives variations too. Apparently "Alyssa" has 34 variations. My favorite is Lissy. Say it with a lisp. It's way too much fun.
7. Listlessly stumble around the internet. You may find instructions on how to teleport like I did, but not understand a word of it.
8. Construct a giant fort. Crawl into it and pretend you're camping.
9. If you have just finished a semester of school, rejoice in the fact that you may never have to hear the phrase "small potatoes" again. I feel bad for those small potatoes. They didn't ask to be small. Actually, they're quite good when cooked up with garlic and rosemary and ..thyme? I could be completely wrong. I dont even know why I'm talking about cooking potatoes anyway.
10. Go back to facebook and see if you have any notifications. You will not because it is 1 O-fucking-clock in the morning and no one else besides you is awake.
The End.
Monday, December 21, 2009
8 Reasons Why Nerds Are Awesome
Formally, nerds have been termed "uncool" and "social outcasts," along with more creative titles such as "WHAT A LOSER." However, I disagree with these statements, and find (most) nerds to be awesome. Sometimes you do get a person who does not know how to act remotely human, or someone who acts vastly superior because they KNOW shit, but more often than not, nerds are vastly underrated. I even consider myself a nerd, and embrace skills that other people would consider pointless (i.e. I beat Zelda: Twilight Princess, I like watching Picard guide the Enterprise through space). However useless this may seem, I find that nerds are 73% more awesome than the average person.
First, what makes a person a nerd? Well let's see. Can you quote Shakespeare? Do you read the dictionary for fun? Comic books? Heavily lore based RPGs? Can you talk in binary? If you answered yes to any of the questions you are a nerd, and therefore awesome. Here are reasons why.
1. Nerds are awesome at trivia
If you've read previous posts in this blog, you'll know that I was part of a trivia team called The Blind Assassins over the summer. You'll also know that we would never have got as far as we did at times if at least one of us was not some sort of nerd. Not only were we able to catch obscure references (well.. okay... maybe like two), we could connect them (somewhat) to the question being asked (kind of) and therefore find the answer (sometimes).
An assassin that is possibly blind.
2. Nerds are tasty
Here it is obvious that I am talking about the candy. CANDY PEOPLE. As in the sugary little things that look like bums? Does anyone else think they look like bums or is it just me?
3. Want a computer? No fucking problem!
A nerd could build a computer. Don't have enough money to buy one? BUILD ONE. As a point of interest, my dad actually built our two computers and they work well enough and it was considerably cheaper than going out and buying one.
That's complicated shit, man.
4. Have a problem with the computer that was just built for you? No fucking problem!
If your computer ever goes haywire on you, there is a good chance a nerd will know what is wrong with it, and can fix it. Hopefully. If they are savvy enough to speak binary (i.e. 1001001 010 1001 010) (I don't know if I actually typed a word there...) they could probably even write software for it and make it even more awesome. A spy computer with all sorts of gadgets, you say? Why yes, I'll take one.
5. Without nerds, we would not have electricity, cable, music players, computers...
The list goes on. The point is, if an inventor had just said, "Man fuck this shit, no one thinks I'm cool enough, I'm going to go hit on that lady and get laid," we wouldn't have half the stuff we have today. The people at Apple? All nerds. Bill Gate? Biggest nerd ever (and kind of a jerk I hear). But they gave us awesome stuff, right? It's a good thing they all said, "Once this light bulb/alternating current/iPod/flushable toilet is done, I'll have girls lining up to have sex with me." And you know what? They were probably right.
Except for that guy that invented the toilet. Probably didn't get laid. Yeah...
6. Face it, beating video games is a huge accomplishment.
Do you know how fucking HARD those things are? Oh, so pushing buttons isn't hard? All you do is sit there and tap X? WELL WHY DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT, YOU BASTARD. Have you ever tried to leap through the air, aiming for the ceiling with your magnetic romping boots while throwing a boomerang and trying to avoid plants being thrown at you? No? I didn't think so.
Bad ass romping, stomping, magnetic mother effin boots.
7. They have better imaginations.
While I don't particularly enjoy playing D&D, I have tried it and found that it takes an enmorous amount of imagining you are a particular person (aka role playing) and visualizing various scenarios, such as giant man eating rats attacking you, or a ghost that cannot be seen or heard but is definitely beating the shit out of you. There are no computer graphics, and from what I've seen, the Dungeon Master comes up with scenarios and various shit on his own. Therefore, those playing must have a grasp of all the comlicated shit needed to understand what the fuck a D20 does while at the same time picturing their sword slicing through the air at some giant ogre's head. Those who dress up take it too far. That's what imagination is for.
You rolled a 2. Your attack misses and chops off the head of your companion.
8. Nerds are becoming the majority.
Face it, almost everyone can claim they are a nerd in some way, and are in fact proud of whatever thing makes them that way. Part of being human is identifying with people. Once nerds are seen as something other than creepy losers, and once someone else finds out that they too enjoy talking in elvish, a bond is formed. I'm sure there are millions of facebook groups and fan pages that have to do with something nerdish. Ever seen those fan pages for various characters from Spongebob? Ever notice how many people those fan pages have? A SHIT TON, that's how much.
Also, nerds pretty much rule the world. Let's not forget that important detail. I know it's cliche, but it's true that if you offend someone with a pocket protector, they will probably end up your boss one day. Because that is how karma works, bitches.
First, what makes a person a nerd? Well let's see. Can you quote Shakespeare? Do you read the dictionary for fun? Comic books? Heavily lore based RPGs? Can you talk in binary? If you answered yes to any of the questions you are a nerd, and therefore awesome. Here are reasons why.
1. Nerds are awesome at trivia
If you've read previous posts in this blog, you'll know that I was part of a trivia team called The Blind Assassins over the summer. You'll also know that we would never have got as far as we did at times if at least one of us was not some sort of nerd. Not only were we able to catch obscure references (well.. okay... maybe like two), we could connect them (somewhat) to the question being asked (kind of) and therefore find the answer (sometimes).
An assassin that is possibly blind.2. Nerds are tasty
Here it is obvious that I am talking about the candy. CANDY PEOPLE. As in the sugary little things that look like bums? Does anyone else think they look like bums or is it just me?
3. Want a computer? No fucking problem!
A nerd could build a computer. Don't have enough money to buy one? BUILD ONE. As a point of interest, my dad actually built our two computers and they work well enough and it was considerably cheaper than going out and buying one.
That's complicated shit, man.4. Have a problem with the computer that was just built for you? No fucking problem!
If your computer ever goes haywire on you, there is a good chance a nerd will know what is wrong with it, and can fix it. Hopefully. If they are savvy enough to speak binary (i.e. 1001001 010 1001 010) (I don't know if I actually typed a word there...) they could probably even write software for it and make it even more awesome. A spy computer with all sorts of gadgets, you say? Why yes, I'll take one.
5. Without nerds, we would not have electricity, cable, music players, computers...
The list goes on. The point is, if an inventor had just said, "Man fuck this shit, no one thinks I'm cool enough, I'm going to go hit on that lady and get laid," we wouldn't have half the stuff we have today. The people at Apple? All nerds. Bill Gate? Biggest nerd ever (and kind of a jerk I hear). But they gave us awesome stuff, right? It's a good thing they all said, "Once this light bulb/alternating current/iPod/flushable toilet is done, I'll have girls lining up to have sex with me." And you know what? They were probably right.
Except for that guy that invented the toilet. Probably didn't get laid. Yeah...6. Face it, beating video games is a huge accomplishment.
Do you know how fucking HARD those things are? Oh, so pushing buttons isn't hard? All you do is sit there and tap X? WELL WHY DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT, YOU BASTARD. Have you ever tried to leap through the air, aiming for the ceiling with your magnetic romping boots while throwing a boomerang and trying to avoid plants being thrown at you? No? I didn't think so.
Bad ass romping, stomping, magnetic mother effin boots.7. They have better imaginations.
While I don't particularly enjoy playing D&D, I have tried it and found that it takes an enmorous amount of imagining you are a particular person (aka role playing) and visualizing various scenarios, such as giant man eating rats attacking you, or a ghost that cannot be seen or heard but is definitely beating the shit out of you. There are no computer graphics, and from what I've seen, the Dungeon Master comes up with scenarios and various shit on his own. Therefore, those playing must have a grasp of all the comlicated shit needed to understand what the fuck a D20 does while at the same time picturing their sword slicing through the air at some giant ogre's head. Those who dress up take it too far. That's what imagination is for.
You rolled a 2. Your attack misses and chops off the head of your companion.8. Nerds are becoming the majority.
Face it, almost everyone can claim they are a nerd in some way, and are in fact proud of whatever thing makes them that way. Part of being human is identifying with people. Once nerds are seen as something other than creepy losers, and once someone else finds out that they too enjoy talking in elvish, a bond is formed. I'm sure there are millions of facebook groups and fan pages that have to do with something nerdish. Ever seen those fan pages for various characters from Spongebob? Ever notice how many people those fan pages have? A SHIT TON, that's how much.
Also, nerds pretty much rule the world. Let's not forget that important detail. I know it's cliche, but it's true that if you offend someone with a pocket protector, they will probably end up your boss one day. Because that is how karma works, bitches.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
BUY THIS BOOK!
Because I am feeling rather sore about school work right now.
"How to (im)properly convince an editor to publish your book."
Note: Not Actually the Awesome book being discussed here. But still. What is that? A giant frog? And it's EATING THE WORLD? HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME!
Dear Sir or Madam,
Hello. If you are reading this, then you are reading the proposal for The Best Book Ever! If you have read the manuscript for this book, then you know why it is the best book ever. However, if you need some incentive, here it is: This book is AWESOME. If you can't gather that from the title, then you, dear sir or madam, are mentally retarded, and should probably get that checked out.
This book has everything you need: four color photos, glossy pages, superb writing, and witty dialogue. There is no other book out there like it. We have categorized this book under "Curiosities and Wonders," a title we half made up and half stole from amazon.com. But that's okay, because this book friggen rocks. What's that? "Curiosities and Wonders" isn't a real category? No book store will sell it like that? Well let me shove this Awesome manuscript page down your throat, and you can digest the curiousness and wondrous aspects of this book.
Once you read this book, Awesome things will start to happen to you. Rainbows will explode over the sky whenever you walk outside. A unicorn will follow you around and take up residence in your closet. Flowers will bloom under your feet. Bunnies will follow you, birds will sing to you, and trees will rain down cash upon your Awesome head. However, if you do not publish this book after reading it, all those wonderful things will explode and die crying in fiery balls of molten lava, and you, Mr. Editor, will be responsible for the death of those beautiful things. Furthermore, you will deprive millions of people of this awesomeness. Shame on you, you killer of joyousness, shame on you.
Everybody in the world will buy this book because everybody likes Awesomeness, and furthermore, everybody loves unicorns and bunnies. And money. No books can compete with this one. For every book that tries to, this book will shoot it in the face with poisonous blow darts, and the offending book will die a horrible, painful death, with much vomiting. The author of that book will get dragged to hell by demonic goats, and the editors will turn into stone, forever to be shit on by dirty pigeons.
No e-book version of this book will be produced. E-books are dumb, and deserve to be sucked into a black hole.
As for where this book will sell? Everywhere. No questions. Because I say so.
So please publish this book, otherwise you will die. Alone. Forever. The End.
Yours most sincerely,
The Author
"How to (im)properly convince an editor to publish your book."
Note: Not Actually the Awesome book being discussed here. But still. What is that? A giant frog? And it's EATING THE WORLD? HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME!Dear Sir or Madam,
Hello. If you are reading this, then you are reading the proposal for The Best Book Ever! If you have read the manuscript for this book, then you know why it is the best book ever. However, if you need some incentive, here it is: This book is AWESOME. If you can't gather that from the title, then you, dear sir or madam, are mentally retarded, and should probably get that checked out.
This book has everything you need: four color photos, glossy pages, superb writing, and witty dialogue. There is no other book out there like it. We have categorized this book under "Curiosities and Wonders," a title we half made up and half stole from amazon.com. But that's okay, because this book friggen rocks. What's that? "Curiosities and Wonders" isn't a real category? No book store will sell it like that? Well let me shove this Awesome manuscript page down your throat, and you can digest the curiousness and wondrous aspects of this book.
Once you read this book, Awesome things will start to happen to you. Rainbows will explode over the sky whenever you walk outside. A unicorn will follow you around and take up residence in your closet. Flowers will bloom under your feet. Bunnies will follow you, birds will sing to you, and trees will rain down cash upon your Awesome head. However, if you do not publish this book after reading it, all those wonderful things will explode and die crying in fiery balls of molten lava, and you, Mr. Editor, will be responsible for the death of those beautiful things. Furthermore, you will deprive millions of people of this awesomeness. Shame on you, you killer of joyousness, shame on you.
Everybody in the world will buy this book because everybody likes Awesomeness, and furthermore, everybody loves unicorns and bunnies. And money. No books can compete with this one. For every book that tries to, this book will shoot it in the face with poisonous blow darts, and the offending book will die a horrible, painful death, with much vomiting. The author of that book will get dragged to hell by demonic goats, and the editors will turn into stone, forever to be shit on by dirty pigeons.
No e-book version of this book will be produced. E-books are dumb, and deserve to be sucked into a black hole.
As for where this book will sell? Everywhere. No questions. Because I say so.
So please publish this book, otherwise you will die. Alone. Forever. The End.
Yours most sincerely,
The Author
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