The Best Examples of Bad Fanfiction, Part 2

Here we are again, embarking on the wondrous trail of really awful fanfiction. I have two for you this time, so without any further ado, I give you....

My Immortal, perhaps the worst/best Harry Potter fanfiction there is. Of course, you've probably already heard of it. Wait. You haven't? Oh come on. You haven’t read this one yet? REALLY? I really can’t explain this one because my head might explode, but here’s a quick summary that I didn’t write because I’m lazy:

“To say that My Immortal has a "plot" might be something of an overstatement. It's more like a loose collection of bad ideas and misspelled words centered around overly long passages about the author's fashion sense and favorite bands. The story is set in some weird, dystopian version of the Harry Potter universe where the struggle between good and evil has been replaced with an eternal struggle between "goths" and "preps," and every main character is either gothic, emo, bisexual, a weeaboo, a satanist, a vampire, or any combination of these. The story follows the protagonist Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 7th year student at Hogwarts who wanders around having random sex with HP emo clones and then describes her outfit for several paragraphs. That's seriously about it.”

An artist's rendering of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

Also, that site does a better job of summarizing and making fun of this story than I ever could. You can just thank me for bringing you such lulz.

If you want to read the story, click here.

I for one have not read the whole thing because halfway through I slipped into a coma.



And that short summary brings us to the baffling story called The Perfect Couple. This story is literally the unholy union of Harry Potter and Twilight. I don’t know how a fanfiction in this genre could EVER be good, but you know, maybe it’s… possible…?

No. No it is not.

I guess I’ll have to assume that everybody knows that Twilight is about sparkly vampires, but that not many people have even read the damn book. Well, I’ve read all four, so I know the story quite well and am therefore allowed to make fun of it. For you to understand this fanfiction (if such a thing is possible) all you have to understand is that Edward is the vampire and Bella is the needy human girl that falls in love with him.

Pictured: Neediness. And Kristen Stewart's only facial expression.

In any case, it starts out with Edward leaving Bella cause HE’S A JERK, but Bella decides to be proactive by wiping everyone’s memories so no one in Forks remembers her. Then she takes a portkey to the Burrow because she is a witch. And apparently Harry’s twin sister. After time jumps and the Hogwarts Express, Bella gets to Hogwarts only to find that all the Cullens are new professors and the other, normal, canon professors have been eaten by wild boars or something. Bella runs to the bathroom, cries, and Edward finds her and beats the shit out of her cause Bella’s a bitch. Draco Malfoy swears revenge on Edward, because after all, Bella is his perfect match.

I missed the next chapter couple chapters cause I was vomiting so hard.

Moving on, in chapter five Draco reveals that there is a Death Eater at Hogwarts. Three guess as to who it is.

… No? No one?

Well it’s Edward fucking Cullen.

Cedric Diggory is a Death Eater?

And he teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts. (HOW IRONIC.) Bella exposes him, and Edward points his wand at Harry in retaliation. Then BANG, the door slams open and Bella’s parents (who are Harry’s parents) appear. They have golden eyes like the rest of the vampires, so I’m forced to assume that Lily and James Potter are vampires. We’ll just let that one sink in.

NOT A VAMPIRE.

Edward reveals that he’s been working for Voldemort FOREVER and that they are best pals. Everyone else flips their shit. The rest of the Cullens chase Edward off and both Bella and Harry present Draco and Ginny as their one and only true loves, respectively. This happy moment is ruined by Dumbledore, as he appears and announces that Esme is also a Voldemort supporter, and insanely evil. Carlisle, Esme’s husband, locks himself in his room, curls up in the fetal position, and cries for three weeks.

There are only eight chapters so that’s basically it (thank God), but at the end Bella spots Draco glued to Pansy Parkinson’s face.

......

Somehow I’m glad it ends there.