The Best Examples of Bad Fanfiction, Part 1

I spent the better part of yesterday evening/yesterday night reading and searching for horrible, awful, pain inducing fanfiction, all in the name of humor. For those of you that don't know what fanfiction is, go wikipedia that shit. In any case, so far I have found four complete gems, and I know there's more out there, so I may keep searching.

For a fanfiction to be horrifically bad, it must meet at least one of the following criteria:

• Really bad spelling and/or grammar
• Lack of a plot
• A logic fail or a physics fail
• Really bad and/or uncomfortable sex scenes
• The main character is prone to getting raped
• The dreaded Mary Sue
  

There are more, but these are just the main ones. So without further ado, I bring you the first in this series of horrible fanfiction, Unpredictable Fate!

Unpredictable Fate is a Dead or Alive fanfiction. Dead or Alive is a fighter game series, where all sorts of crazy shit happens, but mainly you just fight each other. I didn't know this until after I wrote this and I actually chose to look something up, so reading this fanfic was even more baffling.

I don't even know if this is about ninjas.

First line: “The sum was setting and the wind blew roughly deep into the forest as a young women walked slowly as if she were confused about turning back to wherever she came from or keep going straight.”

The spelling errors only get worse from here my friend. Also, note the complete lack of commas.

This story depicts the life and adventures (I think) of Kasumi, a runaway shinobi. Apparently, a shinobi is a clan full of ninjas, or in this case, crazy, insane, tree possessing ninjas. I really don’t know what a shinobi is or if it even exists because I did not look this up. Anyway, since Kasumi is running away, the rest of the clan decides FUCK THAT and starts to hunt her down. Luckily, Kasumi finds a rusty temple to stay in, and her brother finds her and feeds her food. AWWWW. There’s also Ryu, “the man that she hated but couldn't help loving,” or in other words, “the man that tries to strangle her in the next chapter.”

Kasumi, our heroine. A girl who does not like pants.

After getting strangled, Kasumi cries for her dead mother. In the midst of this crying session (or after, I couldn’t really tell) Kasumi’s brother attacks her and slashes her neck. Kasumi is upset because he didn’t apologize for that. Her brother says sorry, leaves, and then a possessed tree attacks Kasumi.

….

Yeah… and to get away she uh… teleports… and falls face first into a flowerpot. And then signs up for a tournament (???) and rooms with her evil brother, her evil lover, and some random chick. Christ, this is getting confusing.

WTF?????

Chapter three was one big long paragraph, so I skipped ahead to chapter seven. So chapter seven starts with Kasumi vomiting because she’s pregna--- Oh dear God. Okay so I’m just going to skip ahead a bit cause I really don’t know how to explain pregnancy or Kasumi hiding her almost dead sister in the closet. So Kasumi and the random chick go to France where they first hit up a church. Then Kasumi gets a kitten. Aw, looks like this story is religious AND cute…

KITTEN!

…until they go clubbing with Busta Rhymes. Busta promptly invites Kasumi to Mardi Gras and she accepts by flashing her breasts. The next day she sings in the church choir, after vomiting for approximately five hours.

Okay honestly, this is really painful. I don’t even think it’s funny anymore. I’m just going to skip to the end.

Kasumi dies.


And that's the end of Unpredictable Fate. If you'd like to read for yourself, or just make your eyeballs bleed, go here.


The Best Examples of Bad Fanfiction, Part 2, will be posted as soon as I stop bleeding.