Why Twitter is Awkward

I'd like to start to start this off by saying I never saw the point of Twitter. To me, it basically took the status part of facebook and made that the whole premise of the site. What was the point? Where were all the pictures? The wall? And you only have 140 words? Preposterous!

You are a ridiculous bird.

Then I got a Twitter. And I blame Stephen Fry. Indirectly of course. But let's start at the beginning.

Yesterday I was bored, as I often am, so I started reading wikipedia pages, because sometimes I have a craving for random information. I was reading the QI page and started jumping around to different panelists. This inevitably led me to the host of the show, Stephen Fry. And from there, I discovered he had a Twitter. So I read it. And it was cool and interesting. So I found some other Twitters that looked cool (read: I stalked the QI panelists). One of the good things about Twitter is that a lot of celebrities use it, so when you stumble across their Twitter account, you suddenly discover that they are a human being, not an infallible god gliding across marble floors and red carpets. Of course, there are exceptions, but it's always pleasing to discover that celebrities you admire are good, friendly, down to earth people. Either that or you discover they're absolutely bonkers, which, if not pleasing, is fairly amusing.

I'm on a drug, it's called CHARLIE SHEEN.

So the result of all this thinking was, "Hey, why don't I get a Twitter? If all these cool and interesting people have one, surely I can have one and be cool and interesting too!"

Let me pause here to say that no matter how awesome I think I am, it does not always come across that way to other people. And instead of being awesome at Twitter, I think I'm coming across as a stalker.

BE MY FRIEND ILOVEYOU.

This all has to do with the whole concept of "following" people, as it is called. After you create a Twitter account, you choose people or interests you'd like to follow. I, actually knowing a grand total of 2 people on Twitter, just chose people/pages that already had a gazillion followers. Currently I am following 14 people, including Stephen Fry, Alan Davies, Cracked.com, The Onion, BBC Comedy, JetBlue, and Anthony Bourdain, among others. And how many people do I have following me? 1 person, and I know her in real life.

Not that I expect any of the people I followed to follow me back, God no. They probably get a bajillion followers a day (my numbers are very exact), and I don't expect them to follow back every single one. The thing is, a lot of regular, everyday people have followers. How in the world do they get them? Do they follow random people and not just famous ones and organizations? Are you "allowed" to find a random person you think looks cool and follow them? Is this not creepy? I feel like if I followed random people, I'd be that odd girl at the party sitting in the corner watching everyone. The one everybody else edges around whispering, "Did you invite her, man? I didn't!" It also doesn't help that none of my friends are at this party either.

And then after everybody leaves, I hide in the closet. Not awkward.

So what do I do? Start following people that I deem cool and awesome? Or just accept the fact that none of my friends use Twitter and that no one will ever see or read mine ever? Or do I give it up as a bad job? I confess I still don't see the exact point of Twitter, unless you like being awkward and stalking your favorite people. I also thought, perhaps a bit stupidly, that if people followed me, I could get more people to read this blog, other than the 4.5 people that already do. I even named it the same (http://twitter.com/#!/SharpObjects1) AND it's got the same design. DO YOU SEE THE CONNECTION YET?? But seeing as I don't have any followers, the whole project seems rather pointless.


You may now point and laugh for five seconds, no more.

Also, if you're my brother, you may not say "Twitter is for twits," because if I know anything, it is this: Stephen Fry is not a twit.